“The secret of business is to know something nobody else knows.”
~Aristotle Onassis
Gripster: Community’s Starburns Is “Creepy, Seems Greek”
7 Mar
Greendale Community College held an impromptu election for student government on the last episode of Community, “Intro to Political Science.” As usual, Jeff scoffed at the idea and then, wearing a leather jacket and tight black jeans, used his lawyerly tricks to prove votes aren’t based on anything of substance.
Troy and Abed gave a rundown of the candidates, which included Starburns. Describing him, Troy said, “creepy, seems Greek, possible drug dealer.” The ethnicity on the screen shot shows: Cambodian. This is right after they said another candidate changed his last name to get the Hispanic vote and right before they mentioned Jeff, whose ethnicity was listed as Northern European. Mind you, the ethnicity of the ever-perky Annie is listed as “hot.”
Starburns’ given name, we find out via Troy and Abed’s campaign coverage, is Alex Osbourne. So what gives with the “creepy, seems Greek” comment? Well, in case you didn’t know, Alex “Starburns” Osbourne is played by Greek-American actor Dino Stamatopoulos.
Stamatopoulos was born in Norridge, Illinois, on December 14, 1964. He attended Columbia College Chicago before becoming a writer for such shows as The Ben Stiller Show (for which he won an Emmy), The Dana Carvey Show, the Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, MADtv, and Important Things with Demetri Martin (another fellow Greek-American). He also wrote the claymation episode of Community that everyone raved about: “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas.”
Pretty good for a guy whose Myspace page humbly says, “He’s also written and produced many of show business’ least-watched shows, but he doesn’t care.” Oh, and according to said Myspace page, he’s got great taste in music. He likes The Mountain Goats, Nick Cave, John Lennon, and The Magnetic Fields.
If you’re looking to get into screenwriting or comedy writing, you may want to study Stamatopoulos’ Emmy-Award-winning writing.
The next episode of Community will air March 17 and is entitled “Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy.”
30 Rock, Franzenfreude, and VIDA: Women Writers
1 Mar
Last week’s 30 Rock was an episode titled “TGS Hates Women,” a commentary on late summer’s “Franzenfreude” and the recent findings by VIDA that women writers don’t get as much attention as male writers.
When I look around the publishing house I work in and the classroom at the MFA program I attend, I see women. Lots of them. That’s not to say there aren’t any guys. There are. I see them in their windowed offices, I attend the lectures they organize, and I read the newsletters they write. That isn’t to say there aren’t women in high-level, high-visibility roles. There are. But the percentage of men versus women in these upper-management roles is significantly skewed.
That’s why I wasn’t surprised when I read VIDA’s “The Count 2010.”
The short take is that men far outnumber women in getting published in lit mags and having their books reviewed. I definitely agree with the commenters that the statistics are inconclusive without the facts of how many women versus men submit manuscripts. My editor friend Elizabeth sent me this follow up to the article, in which the editors responded to the criticism that their publications don’t publish an equal ratio of women to men.
Part of the problem is that women do not submit to well-known, “gender-neutral” publications at the same rate as men. A few months ago, I went with my writer friend Jane to hear Lorrie Moore (Birds of America) talk with fiction editor Deborah Treisman at the wonderfully designed (hello, tilting fish-tank!) (le) Poisson Rouge for The New Yorker Festival. One of the comments that stuck out the most for me (Elissa Bassist, with whom I took class taught by Susan Shapiro, offers further notes on The Rumpus) was that men more often than women submit stories to The New Yorker, which is why men, more often than women, get published in The New Yorker.
I am a feminist, not a whiner. I don’t believe in railing against the injustices of this or that without actually doing something positive to enact change. Dialogue itself is useful but dialogue without action is meaningless. It reminds me of the whole Christian debate of faith versus works, which is solved quite eloquently by the phrase “faith without works is dead.” In other words, we can talk until we’re blue in the face about how more women should be published but unless more women are submitting quality work and unless more women are studying and working hard to become editors and unless we get over the silly notion that matters of politics are for men and the world at large and matters of domestic life are for women exclusively then all our philosophizing is for naught. (Yes, I just said “for naught.”)
Women, if you want to be taken seriously as writers and if you want to get published then study writing, write, revise, and submit to publications! Aim high. If you get a rejection, try to find out why. Then find another publication that you believe is a good fit for your writing style (remember there’s a huge difference between Cosmo and The Times) and submit. Take classes, form writing groups, seek out professional freelance editors, and work on your craft, continually submitting high-quality work. Make your writing so good they can’t say no!
Let’s not end up like Elaine Mozell in Meg Wolitzer‘s The Wife. Let’s look at the example Tina Fey set by becoming the first female head writer of Saturday Night Live. And wouldn’t you know it, she’s a Greek!
Writing Wednesday: The Schizophrenic Writer
23 Feb
“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
~E. L. Doctorow
I’ve been attending a lot of seminars on the importance of branding oneself as an artist. Branding makes sense. After all, categorization makes buying and selling easier. Consumers like to know what they’re getting and how to find it, and companies like to make it easy for consumers to find things to buy. That’s why movie genres like horror, sci-fi, and comedy and music genres like hip hop, country, and pop are so helpful. If you hate a certain genre, you can just skip over it to find what you do like.
As a writer, though, I have a hard time with branding. I don’t want to be branded as just The Greek Writer or The Art Writer or The Religious Writer. Call me schizophrenic but I like having different writing personalities. I wouldn’t want to only ever watch crime dramas so why would I want to only write about one topic in one voice for the rest of my writing career?
Well, if I want to build up a readership, I have to consider my audience. Does Stephen King have the same audience as Nicholas Sparks? Maybe, but not necessarily, and certainly if a reader is in the mood for horror she’s not going to pick up a Nicholas Sparks book. Whether I like it or not, branding impacts who’s going to read my books.
Some authors, Stephen King included, use pen names. That’s a great way to keep one’s writing identities separate. The downside, of course, is that loyal readers that may have taken a chance on a book in a different genre or subject matter (hey, readers don’t always stick to only one genre either!) by the author may miss out on a book they’d love because it’s (supposedly) written by an author they’ve never heard of.
Perhaps then, a better solution is to focus mainly on branding the book instead of the author. Think of it this way: just as a parent’s children are unique so are an author’s books unique, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not all connected and show traces of the author’s presence in them. After all, Stephen King’s pseudonym was cracked when a reader thought that a certain Richard Bachman wrote an awful lot like King.
That said, a schizophrenic writer can also be an immature writer who has yet to find her voice. We all have strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and sometimes it takes time to discover how those attributes come into play for us as writers. I, for instance, went through a period where I wrote on any topic that came along with a paycheck. The articles weren’t bad but one of my readers mentioned they could tell when I was really passionate about a subject. That made me reevaluate my priorities and my skill set. Now I still like to experiment with different subject matters but I’m more selective in the voice I use when writing.
How do you deal with writing schizophrenia?
Writing Wednesday: Impersonating My Voice
16 Feb
I dress according to my mood. I don’t mean I just dress for the occasion; I mean my style itself is subject to whim. On Monday I could fit into the category of preppy but by Thursday I could be mistaken as a hipster.
Is it any surprise, then, that one of my biggest writing frustrations is finding my voice? It seems absurd that one would need to find her writing “voice.” Isn’t voice something inherent?
Yes, and no.
The Million’s recent interview between novelist Bill Morris (Motor City, All Soul’s Day) and personal essayist Carl H. Klaus, author of the new book The Made-Up Self: Impersonation in the Personal Essay, confirmed my thoughts on voice. In the article, “When We Aspire to Write Like Ourselves,” Klaus discusses the “fluid nature of the self,” and says,
To think that I could in fact create a style that was an echo of such a multi-sided thing as the self – that’s simply a cuckoo notion.
I feel vindicated. Critics have been saying for years to beware of the constructed identities of authors. However, it’s refreshing to consider the author’s struggle in creating a portrait of self. While, writers may acknowledge creating a personae—a “character”—of themselves, either out of convenience or agenda, there seems to be less talk about the struggle of figuring out who their “character” is.
I certainly have a perspective that is uniquely my own, but depending on the subject matter, my feelings toward it, and whom I suspect will read my work, my tone, diction, and style shift. I’ve feared that this might be a sign of immaturity, but I really do feel that who I am and how I write ebbs and flows. I will admit there is a predominant voice to most of my personal essay writing, but I don’t think that is my only voice.
If I am to present the most accurate portrayal of myself, how can I limit my voice?
Cartoon Crush
14 Feb“You know, guys, sometimes I wish we were cartoon teenagers.”
~ Fez on That 70s Show
In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to share my cartoon crushes.
Maybe back in ancient Greece, girls got all dreamy-eyed listening to myths about Hercules, but growing up in suburban New Jersey I got crushes on cartoon characters. It wasn’t the Prince Charming type that I was into, though. No, I liked them a bit scrappier–and wearing green tunics.
Peter Pan was one of my early cartoon crushes. Wendy, Tinkerbell, Tiger Lily, and all the mermaids swooned over him, and I could understand why. He was a real charmer, always flirting with one girl after the other.
My other big cartoon crush was Link from The Legend of Zelda. On Fridays, instead of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, The Legend of Zelda aired on tv. Like Peter Pan, Link was sarcastic and flirty.
That’s why I was so excited when my friend Sue sent me this link to The Legend of Zelda: The 80s Teen Movie. If John Hughes made a film about Zelda, this is what it would look like.
Speaking of video games, if you haven’t seen Brothers Mario yet, check out Brothers Mario.
Also, Laura Vanderkam (168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think) wrote a telling article awhile back called “The Princess Problem.”
Who are your cartoon crushes??
Σ’αγαπώ: I love you
14 Feb
As a sea captain, traveling the world, my dad picked up words and phrases in many different languages. “I love you” seems to have been his phrase of choice. He can say it in practically every language.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the phrase everyone around the world wanted to learn how to say in different languages was “I love you”?
* * *
My dad spent some time docked in Japan when he was young, and he was always particularly proud of his ability to profess his love in Japanese.
A few years ago, I traveled to Tokyo and visited the adorable cafe in the pictures above. The decorations were all heart-shaped and even the foam of the latte was spun into a heart. Yum!
* * *
In Greek, the way you say “I love you” is: Σ’αγαπώ, pronounced s’agapo.
* * *
Happy Valentine’s Day!
The New School Creative Writing MFA Mentions Me in “Newsletter 18—Spring 2011”
11 Feb
The New School’s Creative Writing MFA program mentioned me in “Newsletter 18—Spring 2011.” Special thanks to the “office heroes” for mentioning me alongside David H. Lippman (MFA ’01), William Rockwell (MFA ’11), and Laura Jo Hess (MFA ’12).
The newsletter also mentioned that Yew Leong (MFA ’07) launched a new literary magazine called Asymptote. The first issue features such esteemed writers as Mary Gaitskill, Yoram Kaniuk, and Gleb Shulpyakov. Asymptote is currently accepting submissions (March 15 deadline) on the theme of an “encounter between languages.”
Feta Salsa
10 Feb
These days it’s all about eating simply. Dashing between work and class, there are at least two days a week that I eat all three of my meals on the go. Class doesn’t let out until 10:30 pm, and if I get out a little early I try to pop in Whole Foods to pick up some food since it’s on my way to the subway.
The other day I was in Whole Foods, picking up an orange, pumpkin muffins with actual pumpkin seeds on the tops (double yum!), and soup mix (cut-up fresh veggies that I actually use for stir-fry not soup), when I saw something new: feta salsa.
I eat a lot of pita and hummus and pita and tabouli. I haven’t gotten sick of it yet, but the idea of something new to put on my pita got my attention. Unfortunately, I couldn’t justify the price. It was about $3 more than the hummus. That might not sound like a lot, but I could buy three Wet ‘n Wild nail polishes for that price or stamps to mail a handwritten letter to a friend. So, I was quite thrilled when I stumbled upon this feta salsa recipe from Smitten Kitchen.
I’m figuring I could make a batch of it on a Sunday and eat it all week long for lunch.
Feta is one of those cheeses that I love and that makes me feel homesick/festive (my family always ate it at holidays), but that I never really purchase on my own. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe because it’s such a distinctive cheese. I do enjoy it, though, and this feta salsa recipe is a great way to jazz up my lunches.
If you have any tips on quick lunches, leave it in the comments section below.
The Quotable Greek: Change the Eyes
8 Feb“Since we cannot change reality,
let us change the eyes which see reality.”
~Nikos Kazantzakis
Yiasou!
Stephanie Nikolopoulos is a writer, editor, writing teacher, and speaker based in New York City.
She is the coauthor, with Paul Maher Jr., of "Burning Furiously Beautiful: The True Story of Jack Kerouac's 'On the Road.'"
You can email her at stephanie_701 {@} yahoo.com
Stephanie Nikolopoulos 
